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02 December 2017 @ 10:14 pm
I need a break.

I need a break from every person and every single thing in my life.

Maybe this is karma for being the other woman, maybe this is karma for not being motivated, maybe this is karma for betraying myself, my potential, and my standards.

Why am I so fixated, addicted, to this drug that I just can't let go of? Why can't I let Ryan go? Why do I feel like I need in when in reality I don't?

When I know with confidence that I do not need him..?

Why have I let myself become so emotionally unavailable, so tired of trying to meet new people, trying to explore more options, and for some reason find a way back to Ryan?

Why the fuck can't I just be enough for him. Why the fuck am I stuck in this hole that I can't get out of.

Why can't I be happy? For the most part, I look to the brighter side of things, I stopped believing in coincidences to mean some sort of sign. But with recent events of bad luck over and over again, hitting me like a truck each time, bleeding me dry in all aspects, I just feel really hopeless. I feel like this universe is unfair. It already is, but why does it have to be so much more unfair this time around?

What did I do to deserve all of this bad luck, with my car problems, boy problems, family issues, work issues...I can barely type out how I feel because I'm so frustrated and so tired of things not going my way.

Why do the people that screw me over in my life get to be happy? Why do they get everything? When will it be my big break?

I know it's silly but I want to find love again. I'm so ashamed for settling for less, and I know I deserve so much more than this. I deserve so much more than this. I deserve so much more than this.

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have someone that makes me happy and that treats me and puts me first the way I deserve to be. I deserve a job that is supposed to make me happy, and fulfill me.

I deserve something better than this. I'm so tired of being not worth it.

I'm so tired of giving it my all and it ends up not being enough.

I'm so exhausted. But the one thing I'm glad about is that I can finally cry. I can cry and let out more feelings so my head can stop hurting.

I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of this.

I deserve something better than this.
15 November 2017 @ 11:15 am
I need to make my life better.
22 October 2017 @ 10:17 pm

just wanted to cry quietly in bed as everything falls around me.

10 September 2017 @ 06:03 pm

my palms are itching all the time

26 April 2017 @ 04:46 pm
I'm not in love, and I am not thirsty for love. It's not a priority, but for some reason I can't let go of this fun.

And even if Ryan admits it, I'm not sure if I can also commit. Relationships, the idea itself deters me, every time I ask myself if I want a relationship.

The answer is always still an insecure "no".
19 April 2017 @ 01:33 pm

of everything

28 February 2017 @ 07:57 am

I guess I should leave you alone now.

03 January 2017 @ 11:16 pm

He's gone.

Move the fuck on, trace.

27 December 2016 @ 07:03 am

I dreamt that we were about to have sex. We were kissing and I was taking your shirt off and you played Always by Blink 182 in the background.

Then we got cockblocked.


25 December 2016 @ 11:02 pm

Instead of asking, "why wasn't I good enough for you?", I say, "you missed out on an amazing girl, who was down to do anything with you, and is everything you wanted."

You were fake, I was great, nothing personal.